Just like every other Monday night this quarter, I've was doing my Fundamentals of Compressible Flow homework last night. Thoroughly exciting. Just as my 4 years of engineering undergrad led me to expect, this homework set, all of 4 problems, lasted awhile. Mmm, a good 7-8 hours worth of time (after work, mind you). And by the time it was 3:30am, I was about 70% finished, extremely frustrated, and beyond ready to sleep. Is this Master's degree really worth the time and effort?
As I woke up (late) this morning, God showed me just how terrible my attitudes were. I'm so used to accomplishing schoolwork in my own strength; I get frustrated if I can't figure it out. I mean, I did pray about it last night, seemingly to no avail. But this morning, I just thanked God for the difficulties; for what He was trying to show me. And off I went to work. After a good 7 hours or so of that, I opened up my notebook and stared at the proof again. And after about 40 minutes, I had the answer. My multivariable calculus is so rusty/non-existent.
But I think more than that, too often I've seen school as just a (semi) necessary evil to get my Master's degree, learn more about aerodynamics, and just plain take advantage of free tuition and books. God's showing me that it's not fundamentally about quasi, 1-D compressible flow, but about giving Him glory through the conforming of my sinful, imperfect self into the image of His Son.
Humility is like a Chinese finger trap - the harder you try on your own to get it/out, the more entangled you become. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, is by grace. If my righteousness is but filthy rags, my multivariable calculus must be a radioactive waste dump.
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